HERE I AM

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**This post is part of a 'Mummy Monday' Series, if you want to read from the beginning, the links are on the sidebar of this blog**

THIS IS MY 100TH MUMMY MONDAY POST...

Wow... this is the 100th week, in a row, I'm writing about my Mummy. I am still not 100% sure why I started these posts...
Maybe it was because in 'real' life, after she fell ill, I acted like everything was normal - I hardly ever cried in anyone's presence, I was always upbeat and positive about Mummy's condition because I believed that it was only temporary... that she would get better OFCOURSE because she was Mummy.

I decided to start blogging about her because I wanted to, I wanted to write about my Mummy - before she fell ill, when she fell ill and what life was like living with her being ill. I shared my Mummy's and my experiences during the days, weeks, months and years after I got that call from my Aunty telling me her "Sister isn't well"...
Now, I believe I was just being strong and not allowing myself to deal with what was really happening. I did have my relapses when I cried because I was scared my Mummy won't make it, but at least 8 out of 10 times, I was optimistic about the final outcome.

Surprised, shocked, devastated, hurt are some of the words I can use to describe my initial reaction to the telephone call from the Nursing Home to tell me my Mummy was gone. I cried, yes I did BUT within a couple of hours I was acting NORMAL... I know my friends and family were waiting for me to break down because I was acting too Normal. That same afternoon I was dancing to Music in my friend Liz's car on our way to my brother's house to spend a few days.

** I pray, I wish, I hope my friends, family, bloggers, strangers who showed me unbelievable love are rewarded hundredfold in every possible way**

I was "in control" - the undertakers, the coroner, the flower shop, registering Mummy's death, calling her employers - acting like super daughter, there was no time for unnecessary tears or moments of weakness BUT they came. At night when everyone else was asleep, the few hours I was alone... it hurt. Most times I was numb, I couldn't cry but of course I could act like things were normal.

All my Mummy Monday and Mummy related posts are dedicated to a beautiful Woman... my Mummy.
She lived for her kids, she loved us unconditionally - when we were naughty, rebellious, rude, bad... Mummy loved us.
Mummy who raised all four of us, mainly on her own. Who made sure we never suffered, even when she was really struggling financially.
Mummy who always had faith, who believed that things would always work out for the better... Mummy who did anything she could to make sure we were happy.
Mummy who gave me so so so so many memories to hold onto - Everyday, Christmases, Birthdays, Easters...
Mummy who always amazed me because she loved, she cared, she smiled, she laughed, she played... even through the hardest times.
Mummy was funny(in her own special way), I miss her so much... I miss my Mummy.
Such a beautiful looking woman, a beautifully behaved woman... she gave EVERYONE a second, third, fourth... chance. She saw the good in everyone.

From head to toe - beautiful face, gorgeous and perfect and unbeatable dimples, pretty lips (I noticed I had my Mummy's lips when I was still a teenager in Nigeria and I thought I could be a lip model, lol), slender neck, small frame, ohhh the cutest, prettiest, daintiest hands, fingers and lovely nails, her tiny tiny wrists, her tummy (she thought she could get it flat anytime she needed to.. yeah right!), her legs, her slim ankles, her small feet (why don't I have small feet?!?!?), her pretty feet... her glowing, yellow skin... her beautiful self.

I am believing and hoping my Mummy knew that
- she was LOVED, appreciated, adored, cherished
-because of how she loved us, took care of us... we are doing well and will work towards doing a thousand times better in her memory.
-losing her was the worst thing that ever happened and will ever happen to us, her kids BUT we will not spend the rest of our lives mourning, we will continue to celebrate her life - I will always say something about my Mummy, even things that people would thing have absolutely nothing to do with the subject of conversation (sometimes, lol)
-our children and grandchildren will know so much about her - trust me, my kids are in trouble ;-)

To my Mummy - I love you, I will always love you and you will always be a HUGE part of my life. You did GREAT, WONDERFUL, FANTASTIC work in our lives and in the lives of so many people. I am so proud of you - you are my role model... if I could be half as strong as you, half as beautiful as you, half as loving as you, half of the woman you were - I'll be ecstatic. You did the best you could at ALL times, you sometimes did better than your best... you were, and still are my special, SPECIAL Mummy.

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Thank you ALL for sharing this journey with me. I must admit I will REALLY REALLY miss these posts... Mummy Monday has become a part of my life but I feel it's time to end it.
Have a BEAUTIFUL week ALL :-)

Labels: Mummy Monday (81-100)

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